we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
