Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
