WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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