I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
FUCK WHALES
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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