i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need water and some morals
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
