In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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