I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
