We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
