THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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