Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
