I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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