roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
