It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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