Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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