I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
