using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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