Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
