Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is it penis luge time yet?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
