her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Will you blow on my dice?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
