Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
