ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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