On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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