He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
