I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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