Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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