mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
