you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
