I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
