Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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