He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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