tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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