And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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