he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
