you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
