I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
