id be glad to
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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