yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
