I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
