Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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