and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
