man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
