So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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