I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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