your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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