I just gift wrapped bread.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
whose parrot is this?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
