Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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