I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
