He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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