A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sober January is a disaster.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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