All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
