I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
