I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
